1) Lie about how big your dick is all the time, and about how many white women you fucked while their husbands were away at work. This way, you feel wanted by someone other than law enforcement.

2) Bounce as much as you can, bobble your head up & down and back & forth, and hold your crotch when you walk. Don't forget to lick your lips as much as possible.

3) Wear the largest clothes you can find. Wear you cap backwards or sideways. Wear a bandana underneath the cap if possible.

4) Screw as many fat negro sows as you can, this way Your illegitimate children help the mothers bleed the government dry, and you can lie to yourself about what a "playa you is".

5) Only drink malt liquor, Colt 45, or Thunderbird.

6)When you get pulled over and arrested for the trunkful of weed in your Sedan deVille, yell racism and racial profiling (even if the cop is black, he's an oreo). Make sure the Nation of Islam and the NAACP hear about your case. Don't forget the ACLU.

7) All negresses will allow their heathen children to run wild in stores and break things. When they want you to pay for the items, tell them, "you just want me to pay for that shit cuz I'm black. You'd let me go if I was white, muthafucka."

8) All negresses will converse with the black check-out clerks at the grocery store and hold up the line, especially when there's a lot of white folks behind you. Act like you can't find your money and hold up the line even further.

9) Talk about how much you hate white people with your buddies when soliciting downtown street corners, then lose all focus and hose your shorts when watching all the fine, white businesswomen walking past.

10) It doesn't matter how shitty your car is, put the biggest diameter rims on you can find, and the most expensive stereo system. Ride around in white neighborhoods at night and play rap music as loud as you can. We love the rattling trunk, we really, really do.

11) When you are at a street intersection when trying to find parking at you favorite black club, make sure you and your fellow negroes gridlock the intersection. We aren't really in a hurry to get anywhere, really we're not.

12) When going on a drive-by shooting always miss the target and hit an innocent bystander. Children are a plus.

13) Make the most annoying sounds when you laugh. Example: "KSSS SSSS SSSS SSSS!!" Scream out loud when beginning your laugh, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH, KSSSS SSSS SSSSS SSSS!!"

14) Talk as loud as you can whenever you can. Especially in libraries or theaters. Black women, this is a perfect time for you to chimp out on your "boo". Remember, white folks invented home video just because of you.

15) Black women, when going to the theater, wear the highest weave you can, and sit in front of some white people. Oh, this is the perfect time to call your homegirl if you can get reception to your cellphone.

16) When at fast-food resturaunts, hog up the front counter and take your time looking at the menu if you see white people behind you. Then, when giving your order, keep changing it around. If you work at a fast food place, take an excessively long time to get the order ready, especially for white people.

17) When at a check-out counter of any kind, try to bargain with the clerk on the price. If you can't lower the price, grab it and run.

18) Walk slow and purposely push and shove, then look at those people with disdain and smack your lips a lot.

19) When begging for money, act offended at white folks who only give you a dime or a "solid quattah" instead of a five dollar bill. This is a reasonable means to attack or mug them. When you get caught, state your reason as "dey wuz white." The media and the ACLU will come to your rescue, so don't sweat it.

20) Always whine about how the white man is keeping you down, and how you are owed slave reparations. Even though you've never been a slave and could never survive it because you're lazy.

21) Wear a lot of fake gold around your neck and fingers. Go to the dentist and get those rotten teeth replaced with gold implants. Go ahead, you know you're going to stiff the dentist. If he keeps harrassing you about the bill, call the NAACP.

22) Always talk on your cellphone when driving. Ignore red lights, ambulances, and fire trucks. If you hit someone, drive off.

23) Say stupid things like "YEEAAAAAAHHHHHH, BOOOOOOYYYYYYYYY!!!!" or "BEEEEYYYYOOOOOOTTCHHH!!!!!" Use ebonics so you don't have to sound intelligent like white folks.

24) Call the founding fathers racist slave owners so that public schools with names like 'George Washington High' or 'Thomas Jefferson High' are changed. Don't stop whining until every public school in America is named the following: 'Malcolm X High', 'Rosa Parks Middle School', 'Rodney King Elementary' and so on.

25) Burn down your own churches and cry racism. This way you can demand that the government build you a new church at taxpayers' expense, and they'll do it.

26) Spread sexually transmitted diseases (to white girls if possible) and obsessively use drugs.

27) Put your hand over your mouth and do your "human beat box" in public places so you can annoy the fuck out of everyone.

PART II

28) Use "muthafucka" a lot when speaking, end everything with "knowwhumsain?". In certain instances, you may end sentences with "…n' shit". Knowwhumsain?

29) When the police officer hands you a ticket, tell him it's because you're black. It had absolutely nothing to do with you running the red light moments before.

30) Park you car on a college campus and vandalize it. Be sure to spray swastikas and vulgarities on the car, then tell the police you are the victim of a hate crime. Even if you are not an instructor or a student, you'll still be able to sue the school. They'll cave in because you're black.

31) Stop in the middle of the street and get out of your car when you see a homeboy of yours sitting on a curb, leave the door open and walk over and talk to your "homie". Ignore the other drivers honking their horns, they're probably just white folks anyway.

32) ALWAYS walk down the middle of the street. Never move for any oncoming vehicles. When they honk, just give them a scowl and smack your lips a lot.

33) When in a grocery store or any other store, always block the isles, especially for white people. Never move your shopping cart, and never tell your heathen children to move out of the way. Whenever possible, act like you don't see the person trying to get past.

34) Negroes are very sexual (not in a good way). Fuck anyone or anything…. men, women, children, dogs….. if it has at least one hole, anything goes. Anything to get your freak on.

35) When your girlfriend turns you in for roasting her 2 year old son in the oven, tell the police the truth…. he broke your Playstation 2. Don't worry, it should work…. you're black, after all.

36) Black women MUST have at least five kids by at least three different negroes by the age of 21, or you aren't "keepin it real".

37) Black women do not need babysitters. Tuck your eight children into bed, go out to the clubs and get drunk and "freaked" by five or six negroes. When you return home at 8:45AM, you'll find that someone ratted you out to Child Protective Services. Blame it on your skin and say, "dey tryin' to take my kids cuz I black, dawg!!"

38) Hang around gas stations and beg white people for money. Intimidation is PLAN B if they refuse. Or, cry RACISM when they kick your ass.

39)Black check-out clerks must NEVER be polite or courteous to white customers, for ANY reason. Overcharge them and keep the change, and NEVER thank them as they're leaving, only give them a dirty look.

40) Blacks should strive for at least one prison term, so you can get your proper respect from your peers. They will think you are ignorant if you try to go to college, and will think less of you. They'll call you an "oreo".

41) To the negro, raping a white woman is the same as if she asked him to fuck her. Go tell your friends what a "playa you is".

42) When watching a black movie at the theater, it's okay to pull your pistol out and "bust caps" if you like the movie. If you aren't a suspect being led away, remind the media that they wouldn't be airing this incident if it were white people watching an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. Make sure the cameras are rolling when you say it.

43) Always beg your family and friends for money, and always eat their food. Never pay them back or be there for them in their time of need.

44) If you somehow become rich, do NOT buy that Hummer or Mercedes Benz. No, no! Rule #1, get a white girl!! Find yourself a white girl with enough low self-esteem to be seen with a negro. Always have a white woman, no matter what she looks like.

45) To the rappers, always steal white musicians' music and integrate it into your mindless rap songs. They are too busy praising you to sue you.

46) Rappers should always remind people of how many times they've been shot and lived to tell about it (like we didn't notice them on our TV screens). This way, everyone will respect you even more. Remind everyone that rap music is "the only way out" of the 'hood and crime, as if you weren't still stealing cars, money, or drugs.

47) When cellmates ask you why you're locked up in prison, always say, "the white man put me up in here, he keepin' me down."

48) Always give white people that "hard" stare… squint your eyes and flex your lips. Breathe fast and hard, clench your fists when staring.

49) When you're being taped on COPS, always say, "whatchoo restin me fo, I ain't did nuffin!!" A liberal attourney will see you and come to your aid. Don't worry, the ACLU will pay for it.

51) Lick your lips and rub your chin a lot in public places, so we know what a "playa" you really are. Make sure a lot of white girls see you doing this.

52) For no reason at all, blurt out "KEEPIN IT REEEEAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!" and "HHHHEEEEEYYYYYYLLLLLLLLLYYYEEEEAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!" You sound ignorant, but hey, they accept negroes these days.

53)Make up retarded names like ICE-T, ICE CUBE, Notorious B.I.G., and Tupac (Tupunk) to call yourselves. As if Tyrell, LeShawn, and Shenanae weren't retarded enough.

54) Take ebonics one step further and make up completely new words. Example: "Fo' shizzle" or "dat's da shizznit!!"

55) Most negroes should die violently by age 30 if they wish to have a legacy. Black women will grow old and teach their niglets lies about white people so they can carry on their practice of whining and recieving handouts, and so they can justify black-on-white crime.

PART III

56) Black pedestrians should cross intersections when the crossing sign clearly says WAIT. Walk slowly so you can hold up traffic.

57) Black mothers, you will undoubtedly lose a son or two (or all eight), as a result of being gunned down by a police officer during a struggle over the officer's gun. Chimp out in front of the cameras, lie about how your "baby" was a hardworking, loving, caring son…. even though his rap sheet was long enough to wallpaper the complete interior of your project dwelling, and no matter how many times he beat even your ass on certain occasions.

58) It is perfectly acceptable to gun down your best friend in a dispute over a crack whore, a piece of chicken, or even a quarter or dime. The more insignificant the item, the more justified it was to shoot him.

59) Watch only BET, MTV, or UPN. WB is not completely overrun by negroes yet, so it is not yet appropriate for viewing.

60) When two negroes are ready to fight each other, they should circle each other for approximately half an hour and tell each other how they are going to hurt each other. "We gonna strap, dawg!" or "do sumfin', muhfugga!"

61) Speaking of fights, never attack a white person in packs of less than five. Even women, since you'll need at least one nigger to hold each limb while one is raping her.

62) When black women chimp out, they should talk extremely loud and fast using excessive vulgarities, point a lot, and move their heads side to side and in a circular motion. Spitting while screaming is a plus.

63) Overexaggerate body language when speaking. The more you exaggerate, the more important you will feel.

64) Black women should greet all people like this: "HHHHEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!" This excludes white people. When greeting them, give them a dirty look and smack your lips.

65) When being interrogated by the police for your crime, blame it on your lack of a father for a role model…. even though you supposedly know this is the reason why, and you commited crime anyway. Chances are, your father would've led you down the same road anyway.

66) Always struggle with the police during your arrest. This way you'll get your 15 minutes of fame on COPS or AMERICA's MOST WANTED.

67) The more a woman weighs, the sexier she is, black or white. 300lbs+ is what you should be looking for.

68)Black women should chew gum like a cow grazing on grass, smack a lot when you chew.

69) Smoke only menthol cigarettes.

70) Drink yourself into a drunken stupor and then beat your woman into a bloody pulp. Tell her "I'm sorry" and she will drop charges.

71) Have a separate "downlow" relationship with a black male, then go home to your baby's momma and transmit your newly aquired HIV virus to her.

72) Black singers (especially rappers) should promote crime and other thuggish activities in their music.

73) Black musicians should also promote the murder of white men and the raping of their women in their music. Whites will be charged with hate crimes if they do this, but for you, it's freedom of expression.

74) At work, sit around all day or hide in the restroom during your shift, then collect your check at the end of the week and complain that you should get more because you are the hardest working employee.

75) Upon release from prison, you should have read the Koran and be a devout Muslim. This further justifies your hate for the "white devil" and now leaves the door open for you to become an activist. This will allow you to publicly criticize the white man for your shortcomings and exempts you from hate crime legislation. Take a page out of Jesse Jackson's book and shakedown large corporations for money, threatening a discrimination lawsuit if they don't pay up.

76)A FUBU jumpsuit with a lot of fake gold around your neck and fingers is the equivalent of a white man in an Italian suit wearing a Rolex watch.

77) A negro, for the most part, either has a shitty car and a nice "crib" or a shitty home with a "pimp ride", never both. All finances are poured into one or the other.

78) The more sex partners a black woman has, the higher status she has with the negro.

79) For all the talk of black women hating white women (as like with the males), they should still try and look like them. Dress like they do, try and talk like they do, and process the kinks and knapps out of your hair and dye it blonde. Bleach your skin if you are excessively dark.

80) Use an excessive amount of cologne or perfume to hide your foul odor. Though the cologne stinks, it is an improvement over your funk.

PART IV

81) When failing an IQ test for a promotion or a job application, sue the employer. They will cave in because you're black, and from pressure from the NAACP.

82) Incidentally, when failing any military IQ test and you are put on the front lines in war, claim that the white men want to kill you because you're black.

83) Claim everything to your credit: Greek and Egyptian civilizations, inventions, and even claim that America was built on the backs of negroes.

84) Claim that whites put drugs in black neighborhoods to keep negroes down, or kill them, even though you chose to use those drugs if it WERE true.

85) Black politicians must NEVER speak of relevant issues. Instead, the main focus should be expanding affirmitive action, the need for slavery reparations, more hate crime legislation aimed against the white man, and the troubling fact that hurricanes are not given black names…."Hurricane Shenanae".

86) Blame white governments for creating hurricanes, tornadoes, and tsunamis in an attempt to kill blacks and other colored peoples.

87) As witnessed in New Orleans, negroes should ignore warnings to evacuate cities due to incoming natural disasters. When stranded, blame the president and white rescue teams for being racist and abandoning them, even though they were warned they could be on their own for an unknown period of time. Negroes should always wait for the government to do everything for them.

88) Keep up the claim that white women prefer negroes over white men, even though negroes will be the only ones to believe it. If you repeat the lie long enough, perhaps one day it will become the truth.

89) When police arrest someone in your neighborhoods, cry police brutality even though police are trying to subdue a doped-up negroe. When police stay out of your neighborhoods due to the high number of brutality complaints, cry racism and say the city government does not care about blacks.

90) Black mayors should always leave office with the city in or near bankruptcy. He should then boast about what a great job he did when indicted for corruption charges.

91) When black mayors fail their cities in emergencies such as natural catastrophies, always blame state or federal officials. Never blame yourself or other negroe city officials.

92) Black evangelists should become involved in race-related scams to sue police departments or the city (example: Al Sharpton in the Tawana Brawley case). They should also incite riots and then blame white people.

93) Black reverends should preach about doing the Lord's work, then preach about how evil the white man is. He should also attempt to have sex with every negress in the congregation, married or not.

94) Black muslims should claim that white governments attack their own countries to blame muslims or minorities for terrorism, such as the claim that whites flew the jets into the twin towers on 9/11 by remote control. And more recently, the claim that whites blew up the New Orleans levees to drown the negroes. It is absurd, but the negro will believe it.

95) Black movies should have stupid names such as "How Stella Got Her Groove Back", "Love Jones", and "Hustle and Flow".

96) When a black convict is scheduled for execution on a certain day, stage mass protests outside the prison. Do not take into account the victims' families, most or all are white, anyway. These protests should be attended by Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Danny Glover, the NAACP, the Black Panthers, Louis Farrahkan and the Nation of Islam, and wiggers. Degenerate and violent behavior is accepted in this peaceful protest. Claim that the convict is a victim of the white justice system.

97) Any blacks who were evacuated from their cities for any emergency should never be thankful. If you get a sandwich or MREs, complain that they are cold. If you get a cot to sleep on, complain that it is not a waterbed. Negroes should trash and vandalize the hotels and facilities they are staying in, and should attempt to rape or rob any volunteers or residents of that city.

98) Negroes should constantly whine about being held back and being poor, even though they have multiple gold teeth, a cellphone and jewlery, and are wearing FUBU or FILA jumpsuits and three hundred dollar sneakers. Claim that the white man has you "locked up in the ghetto".

99) Negroes should justify looting by saying they were hungry and looking for food, even though you cannot eat a 40" television set.

100) Claim that the AIDS virus was developed in the white man's laboratories, engineered to wipe out the negro race….. even while knowing that the negro in Africa created it through his "special affection" for the African green monkey.

1) What was the first CD/Record/Album/Artist you ever bought and what format was it in? (Vinyl/Cassette/CD/MP3 Download)?
Isomniac by Green Day in Cassette form.

2) How do you usually listen to music? (iPod/Walkman/Stereo/Radio)
iTunes and presets to and fro school

3) What is your favorite genre of music and why?
Metal and technical guitar licks and sounds.

4) What is your opinion on music video shows and music television?
Most of them are dumb and I think I could do a better job.

5) Do you usually agree with who the winners of the Grammy Awards are?
Yes I do. Because if you win a Grammy for your music, that means you suck ass. No really, it does. The only reason you won is because some stupid 12 year old girl named Jessica dances like a slut to your music, or cuts herself to it, in which case she has some exotic name like 'Avanshasha' or at least that what her myspace says. Anyway, back to the point, Grammy winners suck and have no talent, their fan base is 10-17 year olds of America, who are able to spend 100% of their allowance and minimum wage job earnings on the stupid albums. Giving a grammy to someone who sucks entitles them to suck more, because they got rewarded for sucking once, why not make it worse and drop and insulting bombshell on what music is supposed to be? If the real artists got paid and brought into the 'music scene-industry' they would see that its okay to suck, so they would churn out crap. Which we dont want to happen.

Its analagous to the NFL and College football. College players dont get paid, they have a goal in mind so they play better. NFL players get paid no matter what, so whats the drive to do good?

1) estimate how much the temperature of this room will increase during the two hours you are present taking the exam.

2) Estimate how much popcorn, in kg, it would take to fill the room you are taking this exam in.

3) Mathematically demonstrate the possibility that you will breath a same molecule of air Jesus breathed.

Are they serious? THat is so lame. WHat a stupid ass pick up line/thing to say.

BTW all those kids are posers, they took "intro to calc" and think they are God gift to math classes. Its not that hard of a concept, and they are extrapolating it to be somehting hard.

And here is my calc pwnage:

1. typing rawr.

- Fat girls who sit down infront of me in class. They always have pitstains and talk way to loud to their ugly ass friends wanting everyone to know that they indeed have friends even though theyre fat sacks of disgusting mass

Most all of us have been there. We look up in the rear view mirror to witness the seizure-inducing flash of red and blue lights (or sometimes just blue). The adrenaline starts pumping and our stomachs turn over. We're already asking questions of ourselves before we even face the officer's.

What did I do?
Why won't this flatfoot give me 25mph over like all the other cops?
What if he finds the kilo of heroin in the glove box?
What if he finds the two Peruvian belly-dancers in the trunk?
Did I pay my insurance last month?
If I slip him a 50(cent CD, pirated), will he let me go?

Well, here are ten tips to make sure that both you and the officer(s) have a fun, somewhat safe and pleasurable experience:

1) Before and up until the officer approaches the vehicle, make erratic and sudden movements. Reach under your seat, the passenger seat and throw loose papers and other items around. This lets the officer know that this will be an exciting stop and that you have something to hide. Because we all know you do.

2) Refuse to turn the vehicle off. When the officer first approaches your side window, act completely startled and off-guard. This is the proper time to scream, cover your face and/or throw something else. Rev the motor, too; cops live for pursuits. It validates all their hard training.

3) Under no circumstances do you roll your window down. You can and should also turn your stereo up to full volume. When they instruct you to roll the window down, lock the doors and act like you can't hear them, because you can't. Cops hate cooperation and compliance and doing the opposite will let them know that you take shit from no man, badge or not.

4) Turn the stereo down and barely open your window. Ask to see a current driver's license, social security card, birth certificate and proof of legal residence. The DMV does it; why can't you? Rev the motor again as he replies to drown out his sorry excuses as to why he won't. If they're showing perturbation, then you're well on your way to being… well, on your way.

5) Scream obscenities and threats to your imaginary children in the back seat while completely ignoring the officer. If there are real children in the back seat, this tactic will be even more effective. If the children are imaginary, pretend to yank one up front and beat them about the head and shoulders or stab them with a sharp object. Remember, all cops are child abusers, so this will make them relate to you.

6) Turn the car off and immediately start it again. Do this repeatedly while looking at your watch, showing it to the officer and tapping the face of it. This lets them know that you're a busy person and have no time for pesky laws. Alternatively, put the car in gear and roll forward a few feet, stop and laugh hysterically, then whine about missing a day spa appointment. Do this several times.

7) Should the officer draw their weapon on you, roll your window down, move very swiftly and put your finger in the barrel. The Bugs Bunny nostalgia this induces in the officer will make them more sympathetic to your plight.

Tips 1-7 are inclusive to each other and can be used in many different combinations. Tips 8-10 are independent but can still be used with many of these tips. Improvisation is the key to making sure the officer will always remember you.

8) If you are alone in the vehicle and the officer hasn't approached yet, climb into any seat but the driver's without leaving the car. When the officer approaches, act like you're asleep but rouse suddenly and violently when he knocks on the window. This should initially confuse the officer and also give them a good scare. Cops love scary, confusing movies.

9) Wait until he approaches the vehicle then speed away. In the middle of the ensuing pursuit, pull into a gas station and quickly start to pump fuel into your vehicle with a lit cigarette in your mouth. Make sure to spill plenty on the ground and scream at the officer(s) to stay back or you'll "torch this motherfucker".

10) Immediately after being pulled over, jump out of the vehicle and start to run away at a full sprint. After 100 feet or so, stop running, turn around, give the officer a big smile and make fake guns with your index fingers. Often, a "Gotcha!" is just what the officer needed to brighten up his dull day. If he tackles, tasers or pepper sprays you, he's just a cocksucker with no sense of humor and you should launch a completely unfounded Internal Affairs investigation on him when you get out of jail. This investigation, whether founded or not, will always be on his record and ensure that he remains a lowly beat cop for the rest of his law enforcement career. He could even be demoted to prisoner transport, but one day he'll look back on it and laugh…

…while standing over your freshly strangled corpse. Another IA investigation will follow and you'll STILL get the last laugh.

Have fun, kids, and remember, cops NEED you to break the law so they can keep their jobs and hang on to the only sense of power they've ever had in their lives.

<The author is in no way responsible for any citations, fines, injuries, incarceration and/or death resulting from the use of this guide.>

Discuss.